Are You A 'Yes' Person?

                                                     Are you a 'yes' person? 

Do you find yourself always picking up someone else's slack at work? Do you always agree to do something even if your plate is already full? Do you notice if you're always the one in agreement with everything in conversations? If so, you may classify yourself as a  'Yes' person.

I can honestly say that I used to be and am still in some areas a 'Yes' person.
I used to be so afraid of telling someone 'no'--whether it was when they asked me for something or asked me to do something. I was always the one to agree with something because I was afraid to disagree with them and displease people.

For as long as I can remember I was fearful of confrontation from people. And I believed that if I didn't do something or if I was to say 'no' then that person wouldn't like me. I was the one who didn't talk much because I was afraid to be misunderstood and I was fearful that someone would take what I said the wrong way and wouldn't like me.

Can you see the pattern here? I was dominated by fear because I wanted to always get and keep people on their 'good' side.

My 'yes' mentality to everything kept me in bondage! 

Why did a yes mentality keep me in bondage? Well, because it got to a point where someone was in CONTROL of me by their feelings towards me and I was subject to their opinions and approval and I did anything to keep them in good grace with our "relationship".

Let me tell you the truth, people will still end up not satisfied with you whether you do everything right or not.

If you have to walk on egg shells in order for you to be at peace and to sleep at night then something is wrong.

Absolutely no one is perfect and if you being a 'yes' person is destroying your spirit and soul because you have to do everything for everybody then you have to end it right now.

The bible says that God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of POWER, LOVE, and a SOUND mind. (2 Tim 1:7)

This make-believe world that I used to live in, thinking that "Everybody is going to like me because I do ______ (fill in the blank) for them", had crashed down over and over again as I found myself losing fake friends, slipping up saying things that offended people, etc.

We are called to live an abundant life full of authority, love, and peace. So if someone is in you life where you feel as though they may be controlling you, ask God to help you stand firm and use the mouth that he has given you.

It's time for us to take the extra loads off our backs because it's holding us back from being the"YES" person that we NEED to be to God.

We get so caught up in pleasing people by doing things for them, agreeing with everything, taking up all the jobs that should be dispersed equally, that we get overwhelmed when we can't balance it.

It's not God's fault. It's our fault because we chose to take up the yoke (the responsibility/duty) of being a 'yes' person.

Here are my Top 3 "Stops" for overcoming a 'Yes' mentality.

1. Stop promising that you're going to do something for someone even though your life is already hectic.
2. Stop promising that you're going to buy something for someone or pay someone something knowing that your pockets are tight.
3. Stop agreeing with conversations and topics that don't sit right in your spirit. Learn to kindly disagree. They will live, even if they feel salty after.

These are just a few but write down your own list of things that you do that makes you a 'yes' person.

Always remember that we can not be everything to everybody all the time.  God graces us to be just us and to serve Him wholeheartedly. We can't do that if we are worried about doing everything for everybody else. And if you find yourself tired and overwhelmed doing it or being around someone, it's because God has not graced you to do that!

So learn to say 'No' without the fear of hurting someone.  If they do get offended because you said 'no' them pray for them because they may have a controlling spirit.

At the end of our lives, God is going to ask us what did we do with his son, Jesus? What are we going to say? We got caught up saying yes to _________  that our spirit has rejected and said 'no' to God?

Think about that the next time you are tempted to be a 'yes' person.

Together... we will over-come.

Love,
Ayanna

*If you have any prayer requests or if you have any questions, please email ayannamgraham@gmail.com

The Great Expectation

People will never meet your expectations.

I will repeat that. People (mortal flesh) will never EVER meet your expectations. Take it from me as I have learned this the hard way.

It's funny how we think God has delivered us from something only to find out that we are still struggling with it when it actually confronts us. Then we're like "Dang God, I told THIS mountain to move quite a few times but it's still here.It's still penetrating my heart like it did before. It still bothers me. It still irritates me. It still brings out the ABSOLUTE worst in me!"

We then cry out to God to remove that THORN from our flesh, however,what we fail to realize is that thorn is what brings us back to our knees and depend on God to strengthen us at our weakest moments.

Let me be the first to tell you all that I am an absolute mess without Jesus and he has to constantly remind me (even to this very day) that the expectations that I have for people will always come back to me like a bounced check (you hear me?).

The expectations we have on people can really be to the death of us,spiritually. Why you ask?
Well, when we continuously have these high expectations for people and when they fail to meet that expectation we can grow bitter. Our hearts,if not checked, can become so tuned into resenting that person who has hurt us or forgotten about us that we fail to refocus on God. In that sense, whatever we feed will grow. Whatever we fail to feed will die. As we focus on that expectation that we thought should have been met by human, our focus on God dwindles and our desire to focus on him dies.

I remember during my freshman year of college I hung out with a group of girls. They were cliqued up and I wasn't the type that was into cliques but I still wanted to be a part of whatever they were doing. One time, they went out to dinner or something and I wasn't invited. I remember finding out I believe through Facebook and I got mad! I began to get jealous and wondered "why didn't they invite me?" Then I had a chain reaction of feelings that superseded that initial thought that eventually led to me feeling rejected, alone, and I was clothed in self-pity thinking "Why am I always the one feeling left out?"

Another recent story was when I was planning an event for Daughters of Redemption and I requested a well known figure in ministry to speak at my event. I had very high expectations of this woman of God and during the planning process I found myself leaning to her counsel (rather than God's) and she confronted me on it and I was offended because I thought she was this always caring, always sweet, and always eager to help individual. Now granted, she is very sweet but she's very human. And that's what people fail to realize about people that have great platforms in ministry. People that have platforms can walk in the flesh at some moments just like everyone else. They need the same blood that washes our sin to wash their sin as well. (That's another story for another time). So, I really had to ask God to forgive me because the thoughts I had after that we're very destructive. (I'm just being honest). After that, my whole mentality towards thinking that people in ministry are perfect, know-it-all's, changed.

Those were two of the many stories of how God had to draw me back to him. It was painful but I learned to see how God orchestrates every feeling of hurt I have had to bring me back to him.

So the question I have for you is this:

What great expectations do you have on people?

Could it be that you expect the person you're dating to propose to you after 5 years of dating and waiting to have sex?
Could it be that you expect your boss to recognize that you have a college degree and give you a high salary?
Or could it be that you expect your friends and family to support you in every endeavor you have to become the person God has called you to be?

The list could go on if I were to list every expectation I had on friends, ex-boyfriends, family, etc but one thing I've realized is this; pay attention--write this down because once I had the revelation of this, I was able to be set free from a lot things and was able to avoid much hurt afterwards.

What about the expectations that God has for us that we constantly fail to meet?  Does he grow bitter in his heart when you forget about him when your boyfriend calls? Does he fail to forgive us when we slip into masturbation or fornication? Does his mercy dry out when we are ashamed to talk about him to our family and friends because we think they will talk about us?

NO!

You see-- what we fail to realize is that we are so focused on people meeting o u r impossible expectations that we n e g l e c t the expectations that God has on us that we don't pay much attention to.

You talk until your face turns blue on how your boyfriend didn't post a picture of you on Instagram on Valentines Day but can't even see how God was telling you to drop him since day one.

Isaiah 2: 22 (AMP) -
Cease to trust in [weak, frail, and dying] man, whose breath is in his nostrils [for so short a time]; in what sense can he be counted as having intrinsic worth?

I really like the MSG version also:
"Quit scraping and fawning over mere humans,
    so full of themselves, so full of hot air!
    Can’t you see there’s nothing to them?"

Let me quickly paraphrase the first line of each scripture:

We need to stop trying to bring out this so called perfection out of people to appease voids in our hearts that only God can fill.  Once we accept that we all are forgetful, fragile as breath, humans we will be be set free from people pleasing and expectations.

The best way to overcome this is to expect nothing but appreciate everything. It's so cliche but very relevant.

So be Free. be Redeemed sis.

Love you all!

Ayanna.

Do You Really Want It?

Over the past few months God has really been challenging me. Since I lost my job in October of 2013 I've been through so many tests and trails. Many of those tests have pushed me closer to God. As a matter of fact, had it not been for those hard times, I honestly don't think I would be as close to God as I am today.
It's something about not being busy with work, school, and everything else that really pushes you to draw closer to God.  Of-coarse some people would use it as an excuse to not pursue God but complain about everything they don't have but I really began to seek the face of God during this season. The question is, do you really want it?

In January I began this 8 week course at Evangel Cathedral that really amplified the fire in my belly for Jesus. I took a free course called "Into The Most Holy Place". Before taking this class I had this huge hunger for the presence of God. I wanted to know Him deeper. I wanted to know what it means to be in the Throne Room of God or into the Holies of Holies. This yearning was so strong and I was so hungry to know more.

So I enter into the classroom. It was me and two other students with the teacher and the teachers assistant. These were women who were much older than I but they had the same hunger that I had so age didn't matter.  Our teacher was a small woman, very petite and filled with God's love. She was different. Very different. She reminded me of Moses. She,too, had a speech deformity but the presence of God was all on her. It was beautiful. I remember her praying us in and asking God's presence to be with us during the duration of the class. After prayer, we would bask in God's presence with out a single word or song. That woman has forever changed my life. Her example shows that God truly does use the things the world calls worthless (1 Cor 1:27) We started off watching Benny Hinn's 'The Tabernacle: God's Dwelling Place'. You can watch the video below. Man, that video took me in!! Whew! It opened my eyes to some new stuff. God truly reveals himself through that video.

There is so much to talk about what I learned through that class but through it built such a huger in my heart for God's presence and over those 8 weeks I pressed to learn as much as I can.

Let me tell you, over that 8 week span, I went through the most spiritual warfare ever!
I had moments where I was up and down with my fire for God. One moment I was on fire and the next that fire dwindled. We had snow storms back to back that caused the class to be canceled. Then one night, after class, on my way home, my car breaks down in 30 degree weather. Oh my goodness! So much was thrown at me to take  me off track!

So again, the question for you is do YOU really want it?

Even through all of that, I still pressed my way. I did  not want to miss a single class. I didn't want to miss God and what he was going to input in my heart.
Fast forward to the the last night of class. We watched Transformations: A Documentary . That movie touched my heart seriously. The presence of God was so thick after watching it that I began to weep. I asked the teacher if we could pray because I felt that God was trying to break through in some areas of my life.
So we all held hands and the teacher began to pray. All of a sudden the Glory of God fell so strongly that we couldn't event stand.
I can't fully explain it but His presence was so thick. I have never experienced the manifested presence of God like I did that night.

I've learned that God will always supersede your expectations when you seek after him with your whole heart! He will show himself to you when you show yourself faithful to him even when it's inconvenient. 

Word's can not express how much God has revealed himself to me in the past couple of months. It honestly just took me sitting down and asking God to cleanse my heart from all the stuff I carried because you CAN not come into the presence of God carrying sin.

I want his presence bad. I need his presence. I long for it over everything.

I didn't get this way over night but it took a pure desire to cry out for God's help.

I question people who say they desire to know God on a deeper level. People want to experience God but don't want to spend time with him. They want him to reveal himself to them but they don't want to let go of their past hurts.

We have to really ask ourselves if we really want God or not.
Do you want all of Him or do you want the version of him that people think he should be?
The God who only makes us feel good by giving us good messages and no rebuke? NO! If you really want God, you're saying YES to the merciful God, you're saying YES to the righteous God, your're saying YES to the Holy and Just God who disciplines us!

Accept all of Jesus! Do you really want it?



Thank you so much for reading  my blogs! I try to post as often as possible and I've been slacking!
I love you all like crazy!
Stay on Fire for Jesus!

Sincerely,
Ayanna

My certificate of completion! Praise God!

Updates!

1.We are working on official DOR shirts! Please stay posted for those as they will go on sale!

2. Our first bible study was awesome! So awesome that we forgot to take pics!! =(

3. Our first outing with DOR was so fun! We went to see God's Not Dead

4. Join us for our next bible study on May 9, 2014! email daughtersofredemption@gmail.com for more info!

Pics!!!!!

Flirting with Compromise

I'm going to be honest with ya'll. I love a good looking man that's on fire for God! I mean, is it wrong that I said that? lol
I know some of yall will agree with me and some of you will turn your nose up at me and that's cool but what happens when we let that good looking man, friendship, material possession, or career cause us to compromise the very thing God has already made clear to us?
(For the sake of fluidity in this post I am going to use MY experiences with compromise)

God says, "save yourself until you are married" but you tell Him and Satan "I can't pass this man up because he got a nice smile." So now you're entertaining your flesh, that guy, and the enemy.

Before I gave my whole heart to God I used to have a HUGE addiction to.....flirting. Sounds crazy right?
It wasn't crazy when I found myself in compromising positions with compromising-ly good looking men!

I knew what I was doing and it felt GOOD to say things that guys liked to hear. It felt GOOD knowing that I had this false confidence where I could go up to a guy and tell him that he was "fine" and he would pay me attention.

What I didn't know was that each decision that I made to engage in a convo that wasn't glorifying God (and you know what convos I'm talking about) I RUINED my witness for God!

Each time I got my feelings involved while ministering to a guy I RUINED my testimony!

You may ask "how did I ruin my testimony?" I ruined it when I should have been talking about God, leaving it up to God and moving the heck out the way after I told that guy the Gospel. But, I didn't. I wanted to talk to him further. I didn't put my flesh under subjection and it showed....

So the question is sister.....what have you been compromising after you already know the truth?

Did a friend "entice" you to sleep with a guy when you PROMISED God that you would NOT have sex outside of marriage again.
Did you agree to go to the club knowing that you don't have self control and ended up getting "turnt"?
Or (this one is for the saints) did you not put your flesh under subjection when a "fine" brother in Christ asked for your help but you want to flirt with him instead?

I was flirting with compromise and I didn't have self control. It is ONLY by the power of God that delivers me and continuously cleanses me from my struggles.

Here are some simple truths that I have learned and I pray that God will direct your life as to what needs to be changed.

1. God provides you a way out of every temptation. (1 Cor. 10:13)
He provides you a way to get off that phone with that random at 2:00am by simply hanging up, deleting his number and going to sleep.

2. Compromise destroys your witness for God. 

3. You need to be the one who shapes your environment, discussions, social friendships etc. If you are not the one shaping it then the world (or flesh) is shaping it. (1 Cor. 15:33)

4. Compromise comes with consequences. (For every action there is a reaction)

5. We are usually tempted to compromise in the weak areas of our lives. (Story about Solomon at 1 Kings 11:4)

6. Avoid relationships that encourage or lead to compromising positions or decisions. (2 Cor. 14-18)

7. Think carefully about what is right and what God has taught you.

8. Keep your eyes on Christ and don't give into distractions (Prov. 5:25-27)

9. And lastly, if you find yourself in the same positions that I've gotten myself into where I ended up in some not-so-God-glorifiying convos read this scripture: Colossians 4:6 
"Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone."

I am calling for each one of us to take a step higher in our relationship with God! Resist the enemy and he will flee. Take captive every thought that exalts its self against the knowledge of God and bring every thought under subjection to the obedience of Christ.

The point of the matter is this: "The enemy always tries to get believers to compromise what they know is non-negotiable" -Nelson Bowen (INgage Founder) 

So, what have you bargained when it shouldn't have been up on the market anyway?

Selah


I love you all!
Ayanna

Visions that Change the World

This past weekend, on February 1st 2014, Daughters of Redemption was birthed. I have never been been naturally pregnant before but bringing forth this "spiritual baby" that God has birthed in me has been such a journey.
So...you're pregnant too, huh? Do you desire to give birth to a few things? Well, congratulations! You've come to the right place. I can only talk about what I've been through and how God has gotten me where I am so that's why I am able to talk about this. If I haven't been through it you won't hear me talking about it.

I'm going to give you the back drop on how to birth what God has given you, what to look out for, what to expect and what to do after the vision is birthed.

Let get started.

Proverbs 29:18(a) states that "where there is no vision, the people perish..."

God has given us various talents and gifts to bring his name glory. Some talents may be dancing, singing, etc. Some gifts may be simply be organizing stuff or simply smiling!

One common misconception is that God only gives "action" gifts (that only can be used in the confines of a church building) but that is so wrong.

1 Corinthians 12:7-9 states "A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other. To one person the Spirit gives the ability to give wise advice, to another the same Spirit gives a message of special knowledge. The same Spirit gives great faith to another, and to someone else the one Spirit gives the gift of healing."

As you can see, God knows what he's doing.

As you begin to grow in God and develop in Him, he will begin to show you your gifts. Your gift is just for you and it's up to you to develop it or hinder it from coming forth.

So, you may be asking "How do I know what God wants me to do? " or you may say "I don't have any talents or gifts that can be used."

Desire.

That's where it all starts. That's how the world came to be. That's how you and I came to be.
God desired to create earth, though formless and void, he DESIRED to create a dwelling place where humans can live and to which he can love.

Since we are made in God's image, don't you think we should share the very thing he had himself? He has given us desires to bring forth the same way He did!

How amazing !

I once heard that you can discover what God wants you to by the desires that you have.

Psalms 37:4 states, "Take delight in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

So, take a minute and think of the desires you have. It can be abstract or concrete. Write them down.

Take a look at it and see if they align with the word of God.

My desire is to bring people together and worship God. My desire is to simply bring people together.

I know that it is God's will for people to come together and worship him as the one, true, living God.

The desire then conceived into a spiritual vision once I realized that I wanted to have a conference.

Step 1 : Recognize that you have a vision that needs to be birthed into this earth.

Once I realized that this conference was something that I REALLY wanted to do, it was such a burn in my heart to make it happen. I was excited, I was nervous, I was scared. My emotions were all over the place.

I remember praying to God about how excited I was even to the point where I had to check my heart to make sure that I was going to do this for the right reasons and not because I wanted to be seen and known.

It is so important to do a heart check when we do things because we may have motives that underlie what we feel is good. The heart is very deceptive.

Step 2: Write down the vision, make it plain so that those that see it can run with it (Habakkuk 2:2)

In this process, write down what you want to do. Write down why you want to do it. Write down any ideas that you may have.

Even though in my personal experience I didn't have people to "run with it" until further down the line.
Don't rush with this process because it takes time.

Once you have written down what you want to do, PRAY.

This will be a season where you have to stay before God because you want to make sure that this is the season for you do to what you are trying to do.

Step 3: Pray over your spiritual vision.

When I began the process of planning the DOR conference I was faced with much travail. Most of my tests came from questioning if it was the season for me to move or not.

I think this is where most believers are stuck because we KNOW we got some things that need to be birthed but we question if it is the RIGHT season to do it or not!

I struggled with this greatly because I just KNEW that this was something that I was supposed to do. It was engraved in my heart. It wasn't going anywhere but my surrounding circumstances made me think differently.

In this process ask God to reveal if this is the right season for you and ask that if it is the right season ask him to give you provision.

Search for his peace in EVERYTHING you do. In spite of any opposition you face, seek His peace in every decision  you make.

When I prayed to God about DOR (which the name came later down the line) I simply asked that if he indeed has given this to me for this season then to bring it to pass.

I didn't have any miraculous experience of him actually telling me "Ayanna this is the season for you to do this". I honestly had to search for his peace in the process.


Step 4: If this is the season for you (after you have been given a peace about it ) continue feeding your spiritual baby with the Word of God.

The word of God sustained me during this process! I'm telling you the truth. If you can't hold on to anything else, PLEASE hold on to the Word of God because your life depends on it.

Isaiah 40:8 "The grass withers and the flower fades but the word of the Lord will stand forever!"

If God has promised you something, hold onto that promise. Everything else may fail you but His word IS your life line.

In the process of planning the DOR conference, I had many odds that were against me. But I regarded God's word as sacred and higher than everything that I faced.

I prayed like my life depended on it. I fed my spirit with scriptures that promised me that God will come through. I read scriptures that assured me that God will support me in spite of those who didn't support me or believed in me.

When worry would pop up in my mind, I would find scriptures about worry. When fear would pop up in my mind I reminded myself that God has not given me a spirit of fear but of power, of love, and of a sound mind.


Don't get me wrong, I wasn't always on point with reading my word. I noticed that I would give into the attacks when  I haven't been in the word and when I wasn't praying.

So during this stage in the process, feed your spirit. Pray to God. Seek his approval over everything.

Step 5: Allow God to conform your spiritual baby into his image.
This step may be hard for some folk because when something is dear to us we want to hold on to it tightly.
This isn't the time to do that. Hand it over to God. It's truly his to begin with.

In this process God will begin to work on your heart and as he does this, your desires about your vision will slowly begin to conform to what God wants it to be.

For me, during this process, I wanted my conference to be out there, I wanted it to be a two day conference with a concert and 4-5 speakers.

Part of my desire for this came from me wanting to be recognized. I wanted people to know me as the person who had a banging conference.  Once I noticed that I had this weakness, I gave it over to God.

As a matter of fact, God began to truly deliver me and heal me from a lot of stuff during that process.I talked about the healing process here.

Step 6: Keep your eyes on Jesus

This step of the process is so important like all others but if you don't keep your eyes on Jesus, it is so easy to get discouraged when things don't look like they are coming together.
I struggled greatly with fearing that God wouldn't come through on my planning process. I feared that people wouldn't come. I was so fearful for silly reasons that could have been prevented!

The enemy is on attack and he wants you to abort that baby you have. The enemy knows that if your spiritual vision is birthed, people will be saved from hell. He knows that lives will be changed and eyes will be opened to the truth. He hates that and he will do anything he can to STOP YOU. Don't let him! Keep your eyes on Jesus. He is the author and perfecter of your faith!

Your faith will be attacked in this process. There will be moments where you want to drop everything and quit. I know I have felt this way a few times while planning this conference.

Through the tears, moments of doubt, moments of insecurity, I pressed on.

Step 7: Accept the help God sends your way

Another thing I struggled with in planning this conference is figuring out if I will have enough people to volunteer, help with the logistics, etc.

Let me tell you the truth. I did NOT have an entourage on my planning team. All I had was me, Portia (my logistics person) and the Holy Spirit. They were with me from the beginning. I didn't take any event planning classes nor did I pay any one to do this for me. Everything was strictly done by the leading of the Holy Spirit, prayer, and His wisdom.
I thank God for Portia because she was my left hand in this process.
I thought I needed 20 people to plan a good event but as you can see, God doesn't need much to put his hand on it.

Further (and I mean further) down the line, God began to send people in my life who desired to serve and help bring my spiritual baby onto earth.
One thing I've realized is that there are people who were PURPOSELY created and PLACED in your life to help you fulfill Gods purpose in your life.
They wont throw shade or get jealous of you because of what God is doing in your life. They have a pure heart to serve.
Don't get me wrong, there will be some folk who will try to use you but God will give you discernment when it comes to who's around you while you are carrying His will (your vision) inside of you.

Side note... everybody cant go with you to where you're going. It doesn't matter if ya'll cool or not.

Be very careful of the people and things you entertain yourself with. It can become easy to taint your heart especially with your spiritual baby inside of you.

Pray that God will send people who have purpose and not problems. Don't be upset when you don't get something that you thought you would get. Often times, God gives you something that you least expect.

In my case, He gave me Portia, and a few people to encourage me and speak into my life here and there.
He also sent Rotoya and her husband to push me beyond my limits, stretch my faith, etc.
It's because of their wisdom and leading of the Holy Spirit that we sold out of the event!!


Accept whatever help God sends you. Be thankful. He knows what you need. 

Step 8: Rest assured that you don't need what you THINK you need to make your vision happen

During the planning process, I lost my job, lost my car, and my family was going through a serious storm.

No lie, it was tough! There were days where I cried out to God and cried inside as I caught the bus to school in the cold.

I wanted that season to be over but even through that I held on. I didn't catch an attitude with anybody. I still gave my tithes and I didn't curse God.

You may be facing a difficult winter season now. You may feel like there is no hope in what you're trying to do but I am here to encourage you. There is ALWAYS a Spring after the Winter! 

I held onto that truth because I knew that there will be a season where I will rejoice and receive all that has been promised to me.

I thought I needed money to plan this conference. Do you know that a $2,000 conference only costs me about $500??

All I had once I lost my job was the $50 my supervisor gave to me in support of planning the event.

God has proven to me that He is a PROVIDER!
I continuously on to that promise firmly because He has shown himself mighty!

Step 9: Give God back what he has given to you

In this step, dedicate whatever God has given to you back to him. Whether it is a business, a conference, a marriage, a child, etc.

The bible says that all good and perfect gift comes from God (James 1:17) . Don't be selfish and keep the very thing that HE gave you!

To give something back to God means to give it to him to do whatever He wants done with it. Don't let that gift (vision) he has given you become an idol in your life.

Like Abraham, dedicate your Isaac back to God.  Like Hannah, dedicate your Samuel back to God.

Through the planning process, I repeatedly promised God that he has Daughters of Redemption. If it impacts 5 or 5,000 people,I give it to him.

During the conference, I verbally dedicated it back to God in front of the people He ordained to be there.

It's all for God's glory. That's where your heart should be in this season of your life.

Whatever God chooses to do with your BIRTHED vision, promise him that you wont cling to it more than you cling to him.

I promise you that once the process is over, your worship will never be the same.


I love you all so much.

Please share this blog and don't forget to subscribe.

You can also view more pics of the conference at www.daughtersofredemption.com

Love,
Ayanna

"Today's my day,

You changed my name,

I might limp away

But I'll never be the same." Shana Wilson -Never be the Same

The Divine Healing Process

If I can say one thing about my past, I would say that I was different.

I would say that I never really fit in with the in-crowd. I was rejected by my peers, bullied my freshman year of high school, and really couldn't find a place in any organization that I tried out for. As I grew up it was so so so hard for me to embrace the way I looked. I was taller than most of my peers, I had big feet, braces, and was shy.

Honestly, at the time, I didn't think much of it except for the fact that for some reason I couldn't force my acceptance from people as much as I tried. I'm going to keep it real with ya'll because what I'm going through is not in vain but to help others who may be in the same situation or going through the same thing.
Over the years, for as long as I can remember, I've always desired a close bond with friends. I've admired the group pics and gatherings of close knit friendships that I would see around me and on social media. I've desired it so much that I literally did anything to attain it. Through my attempts, I've always end up getting hurt. Once I got hurt, I tended to "hide in my shell" until I found another potential friend. For years and years, I've cried out to God asking Him why don't I have a circle of friends like every one else. I would ask him why is it that I'm always forgotten? Why am I always getting hurt? Most of all, why do I distance myself from people so much for small things they do that offended me? This rejection did so much damage to my spirit and for years until now, I was under the impression that something was wrong with me!

Gosh, it has been such a burden on me that words can not come close to explaining. My parents on the other end were super supportive and showered love in my life...but that wasn't enough. I wanted people to like me. I wanted people to accept me.

Fast forward to now. Here I am 21 years old. Years and years of the tainted views of the world has been programmed into my heart but God declared that its time to uproot the mess that had me so messed up. I am currently in the season where God has sat me down from everything and he is uprooting all the lies, the rejection, and hurt and he is healing me.

This healing process isn't what I thought it would be though....I found myself crying when ever I would talk about this subject. I would get really sensitive. Before God told me what he was doing, I would think that I am crying because its almost that t.o.m. but it was much deeper than that.

One day I remember talking about this issue and I just started pouring my heart out to my parents. At that moment, I knew something was going on. I then realized that God had decided to take the bandage of the wounds that I tried to self medicate and he began to bring up the different seeds of rejection that had been planted in my heart at a young age. I thank God for bringing me to this process and seeing me out daily because I now have revelation as to how that seed of rejection contributes to why I do what I do and did what I did.

I am in the healing season of my life and as much as it hurts sometimes, I don't want to move from this operation table until God completely does what he has to do in my heart so He can get the glory.

Enough of me, I want to address every believer who is seeking to enter into the next dimension of God and want to experience healing. 

Here are some truths that I have learned through my process:

1.During the healing process, there will be a season where God will sit you down and it will be just you and him. You may lose your job, your car, some friendships, relationships,etc. God will take these things away and start to perform a heart transplant on you. 

Real talk, you're more open to hear God when you lose your job. You're more open to hear him when your friend starts a rumor about you and you no longer have a weekend buddy to go out with so you sit in the house and ponder.

You would think that it should be hard for him to heal you without taking stuff away but its not hard for him at all. It would be hard for you to recognize what he is doing with too much occupying your mind and schedule. But, its something about sitting down with nothing to do when you really begin to evaluate your life and when you truly begin to hear from God.

2. During the healing process, God will bring up some past hurts that you may have forgotten about.You may, all of a sudden, start thinking about things that have hurt you in the past. You  may become really sensitive to it. These are wounds created from your childhood, young adult, and even adult age that he brings to your attention so he can start to heal your heart.

3. As God brings up these "hidden under the rug" wounds, begin to ask God to heal you and deliver you from whatever he is revealing to you.

4. Trust that God knows what he is doing and that healing can only come from Him. Believe that in Him and Him alone, you will be made whole. 

5. Cry, sing, dance, write, talk it out Him and to anyone that you trust will lead you into further growth in Christ.

6. Submit to him and the work that he is doing within you.

7. Give God the glory in and out the process. 


God promises that through this process that we go through in life he will give us:

A new a new heart and spirit(Ezekiel 36:26)
Rest(Hebrews 4)
Purpose(2 Cor. 5:5)
Hope(Proverbs 23:18)

These are just a few things listed but God promises us a great inheritance (Colossians 3:23)

So sisters, embrace this process. Know that once this process is over, the glory of Christ in your life will be revealed for the world to see.

Enjoy every season in your life and know that you are so loved by the Most High. 

Spend time with Him. Get to know him and let Him use to to change the world. It's possible.


I love you all dearly. If you have any prayer requests please reach out to me. My email is ayannamgraham@gmail.com 


Stay encouraged,
Ayanna

Me and my sweet friend Janine from South Africa =)

Searchin', Lookin', Wonderin'

Nomad: 1. a member of a people who have no fixed residence but move from place to place usually seasonally and within a well-defined territory. 2. an individual who roams about.

Does that sound familiar? 

A nomad is a person who (in other terms) hasn't found a place to call home.

I don't know about you but I remember being a nomad and quite frankly if I don't renew my mind, daily, I'm one decision away from being a nomad again.

We live in a world where we are ALL searching for something to resonate in our nomadic hearts. It could be love, popularity, possessions, a career, you name it and I guarantee that you aren't the only one looking for it or have looked for it.

The Bible provides our first diagnosis of 'nomadic syndrome' in Genesis 4:12. For those who know or don't know the story, Cain, Adam and Eve's first son, murdered their second son Abel. Cain goes about finishing his work after burying Abel in the ground. God, knowing what had happened, confronted Cain and with contempt Cain responded to God saying "I don't know! I am not my brother's keeper." The story goes on with God placing a curse on Cain saying that, "No longer will the ground yield good crops for you, no matter how hard you work! From now on you will be a homeless wanderer on earth."

Reality Check:

Think about how it feels when you've worked hard to get that guy to love you but you yielded no fruit in that relationship. You've have sex with him, bought him clothes, met his mama and all you got out of that was a broken heart and messed up soul tie! You don't need that!

Unfortunately, the nomadic curse has been passed down to every unbeliever who hasn't found their home in Christ. 

I can name countless celebrities who have sought to make home out of their fame, accomplishments, and looks but in the end were kicked back out in the middle of street all to go on the search again. 

I can do all of that BUT I can't tell their story. I can only tell mines.

I have always been the girl who wanted to be accepted by everybody. I wanted everybody to be my friend and I wanted people to like me. However, as I searched, I never found what I was looking for. I was under this curse until I decided that I no longer cared about "fitting in".

In college, my desire was to pledge for a sorority. I was so serious about joining that I STUDIED it! I watched all the YouTube videos, went to all of the interest meetings, all of that.

With my heart being dedicated to that, I still honored my parents input. I sought their opinion on pledging but I got two different opinions. One said that they don't see a problem with it and the other was TOTALLY against it! I was so off balance even though I wanted both to agree with me doing it but I never got that. 

It was  a tug of war going on within my soul and me seeking God, my parents, and my own desires all at the same time wasn't working. 

I never felt at peace about it, however, I overlooked that because I wanted to be a part of one of the most prestigious sororities out there. I wanted to rock my para (Greek letters) ,go to all the frat parties (even though I already was) and I wanted to showoff during probate! I wasn't trying to hear what God was saying because I had a SERIOUS case of nomadic syndrome! My heart was caught up in my will and not God's. I wanted to do me! I wanted to find a place called home in this sorority.

It finally got the point where the pressure was on! "Friends" came up to me asking me if I planned to pledge next semester and randoms who I've dated that were in frats told me all the background stuff on how to get in. Satan and Ayanna had a plate all set up for me to indulge in the savory feast of self idolatry.

One day, I ran into this YouTube video of ex-Greek members who told their story of how God delivered them from whatever they dealt with while being in that frat/sorority .

Watching that opened my eyes and convicted me BUT I still wanted what I wanted so the war within my soul continued.

I would ask God, "Lord what is that you wanted me to do?", "Lord, how do you feel about me pledging?" and the lists goes on. I was so silly and blinded because he CLEARLY revealed His will and His thoughts about the matter in those videos! Duh, Ayanna!

It literally got to the point where every person I knew crossed so the opportunity was there for me to pledge next semester.

What changed my world and my decision on pledging was God speaking to me through a dream during a fast that I was doing with my church. After that, I couldn't continue with entertaining my desire to pledge because had I continued, I would be blatantly smacking God in the face. 

Soon after, I yielded to the truth that it was not God's will for me to join a sorority. I was afraid of going through the whole process and still getting nothing out of it. The Holy Spirit began to question my motives and heart with questions like, "Once its all over, what else is coming out of pledging?", "After the probate is over people will go about their business and the "high" of you being noticed will wear off", "Ayanna, everything gets old."

I truly began searching for God even though I still had a messed up heart. As he worked on me, he began to purge me and a few months and a year later, I decided that 'aint nothing' out here for me.

I can honestly say that I have found my home in God's presence! I admit, I still stick my head out sometimes but then the stench of worldly trash draws me back to God's sweet aroma of love, acceptance, purity, and truth. 

My desire is for you to find your home within HIM! STOP ROAMING! Let HIM decorate his house (your heart) by washing it with his blood and sanctifying it by drawing you near to HIS heart where your desires can conform into His.

Here are some scriptures you can mediate on that have helped me and continue to help me:

1. The world we live in is like dry land. Our souls are on a constant search for that 'something' until we find God.
(Psalms 63:1)

2. Jesus is the only one who can fill that emptiness and give us life.
(John 6:35)

3. God is forever the same and he will never abandon you!
(Hebrews 13:8) (Hebrews 13:5)

Side notes!

I have an awesome women's conference planned with Daughters of Redemption (my baby girl). The name of the conference is self entitled. The conference day of birth is February 1, 2014!  You can visit www.daughtersofredemption.com to register! Tell a friend and spread the word! If your in the DC/MD/VA/PA area please come! If you're not in the area, you're still welcome!

Early registration is $15

General: $20

Door: $25

❤Love you to life ❤

Ayanna